Fast Food Diaries Part 1: 10 Perils of Working in Fast Food

Today was my last day at McDonald's. Can I get a hallelujah! In honor of this momentous occasion, I have composed a list of the 10 worst things about fast food. I'm sure my fellow fast foodies can relate, and if you've never worked in fast food, I kindly ask you to extend a little grace to those who do. It's a deep fried jungle out there...

10. The Breeding Habits of Trays

And you thought rabbits were bad. Try cleaning a million of these fertile little monsters, only to round the corner and see yet another gargantuan stack waiting for you.

9. People Who Talk on Their Cellphones
Really, talking to great-aunt Thelma Louise about the barbecue at Uncle Ned’s was so important that it couldn’t wait 3 minutes? Oh, now you’re rolling your eyes and muttering apologies under you breath, that really makes me feel valued as the person trying to make your day easier. Well, I hope you were listening when I asked if your order was correct. I certainly wouldn’t want to waste your time.

 8. The Food

Employee meal you say? Well, someone must have misunderstood me. I ordered eggs and bacon, not the saliva of Satan on a tray.

7. Hat Head

Although the picture speaks for itself, I will say I’ve tried every tactic in the long-haired girl’s arsenal, and the only cure for hair that hatted is a shower, followed by a blow dryer and a flat iron, not to mention a generous helping of hair product.






 6. Drive-thru Ear                                    
For the layperson, Drive-thru Ear is that swollen little bump that one gets right above their right, or in my case left, ear, typically acquired by pressing down on the headset call button 10,000 times a day.


5. People Who Pay in $100’s
“Good morning! Your total is $0.78. Oh, I see you’ve payed me with a crisp $100, forcing me to either get a manager or do some flurried mental math, all while holding up everyone in line. That’s all you have, you say. Nothing, not a few measly quarters or a rumpled $1? Are you sure? Because I’d be happy to climb in that car and check!”

 4. The Uniform

Not only does it stink you can’t wear cute shoes, there’s nothing like wearing the same outfit as everyone else to make you feel as generic and mass-produced as a Big Mac.

 3. The Hours
For the past 3 months, I’ve woken up at 3 a.m. 3 days a week to take orders and make parfaits for 9 1/2 hours. Incidentally, I’ve developed a lucid appreciation of time and the countless things you can or cannot do with it.





2. Being Watched
The cameras are going 24/7, a way to keep track of everyone’s work habits. The only area without a camera is the crew room, the one place where employees are not expected to work. Thefts have occurred in the crew room, but after all, an employee’s possessions are not as important as his labor. I’ve heard rumors the new cameras have sound as well as picture, making our conversations as public as our movements.

1. Folding Burritos

Throughout my short, though illustrious McDonald’s career, I probably folded several thousand burritos. In that time, my soul was endowed with a simple truth: burritos are evil. Please people, I know they’re delicious, but is that steaming pocket of convenient goodness really worth the pain and suffering of your fellow men? Although I was once as guilty as you, I have since repented of my role in creating this most heinous of breakfast foods, and now I’m begging you, citizens of the world, do humanity a favor and just stop ordering them!