Identity: Who Am I?

   In week 5 of lecture phase, 3 of the DTS's went camping on the beach in Busselton. The lecture topic of week 5 is the father-heart of God, taught by the brilliantly parental Pete Brownhill. On the second day of lectures, after a long day playing games on the beach, I was sitting in the back of a crowded room, trying my best to keep my eyes open. I didn’t know what to expect. Sure, I called God "father," but I had absolutely no concept of God's father-heart. Coming into DTS, I thought I knew a lot about God, but the truth is, I’ve been getting God all wrong for years. Growing up, my image of God was like a father who’d just gotten home from work, exhausted and holding me, His dirty, squirming child, at arms length so as not to muss His best suit. Jesus was the member of the trinity I related with, the one who might think I was okay, but I saw God the father as distant and uninterested, lurking somewhere on the fringes of my life.

   That night, Pete spoke on identity, and as I sat in the back of the room, alternating between slight dozing and violent fits of coughing, he said something interesting: “God’s definition of perfect is you.” That phrase, quite honestly, sounds like a Hallmark card, but it’s got everything to do with God’s father-heart.

   I’m a woman, and as such, I struggle with the concept of perfection. I’m a six foot tall blond who’s never been called anything but beautiful, but I’m still convinced deep down in my gut that I’m ugly, that my butt is too big and my eyes are too small, that I need a thigh gap and straight bottom teeth, that my worth is determined by how I look. I’ve always struggled to make myself better, convinced that if I was just a little bit prettier, people would like me, I wouldn’t feel overlooked, and maybe someday, a guy would decide I was worth loving. I’d heard the “God made you perfect” line before, but that didn’t keep me from feeling guilty when I ate a piece of cake.

   Identity is a concept I've always held loosely. Yeah, maybe I'm a bit of a hot mess today, but waiting somewhere in the golden future is this deluxe-model Bryanna who's worked through all her issues and floats about 3 inches off the ground. Who needs identity when you've got idealism? 

   God's truth, however, says something quite different. That whole "made in the image of God" thing? Um, well...God's image is kind of perfect. Are you short? Have brown hair and detached earlobes? Have an affinity for spicy food and sarcasm? Guess what, God did that for a reason. The truth is, God has a walking-talking plan for your life, a specific piece of this divine puzzle that only you can fit, and part of that has to do with who your mom is.

   And insecurity? Ultimately, insecurity is pride because it says that our idea of perfection is better than God's. Insecurity is calling God a liar. So every time you compare yourself to another person, every time you bash your appearance, every time you tear someone down, you're committing the same sin that got Satan kicked out of heaven. Let me say that again in case you didn't get it: insecurity is sin! I'm pretty sure I missed that sermon, or maybe I was too busy fixing my hair in the church bathroom. Before YWAM, I thought insecurity was a normal part of the human experience---you're insecure, I'm insecure, now let's bond over oreos and fat-talk.  But insecurity isn't a harmless by-product of humanness---insecurity breeds fear and inferiority, stripping us of our dignity until we've swallowed so many lies about who the world says we are we don't know who our Creator says we are.

   When it comes to identity, God makes no mistakes. We can try, but it's impossible to change who we've been made to be without forfeiting God's plan for our lives. Don't underestimate the implications of this truth. Insecurity is sin and the nature of sin is to steal, kill, and destroy. Often, our view of ourselves is so twisted by insecurity, it's impossible for us to see ourselves the way God sees us, but in the battle against inferior pride, our greatest weapon is God's truth. If you don't know who you are, ask God. Consider everything about yourself, from your personality to your nationality, asking God to speak His truth into each aspect of your personal identity. Start with why. Why do I have curly hair? Why am I the oldest of 5? Ask Him and He'll answer you, often with answers you never expected. Once you know the truth, you must teach yourself to ruthlessly agree with that truth. When the old lies surface, and they will, remind yourself who you are in Christ. At first, it'll be empty words, but as you seek God for your identity, you will learn to align your self-image with His image. It truly is a battle, but we will never be able to live out God's purpose for our lives if we don't unshakably, undeniably know who we are.